So many souls are hurting today. Circumstances in this world are enough to send anyone into a downward spiral of despair—two years of the pandemic, political mayhem, social media feuding, cyberbullying, underground crimes against children that no one wants to talk about, religious atrocities, racial divide, and the list goes on. A mentally balanced person is feeling the weight of the world right now, so can you imagine how a mentally vulnerable person might feel?

Mental health imbalances are rooted in so many things. It’s not just genetics, although they do play a role. For many years, it was thought that if you managed a mental health disorder (any kind, any degree), it came from your folks. You were born that way. “Insanity was hereditary—you got it from your kids.” Remember that silly patchwork picture that hung on the wall at your grandparents’ house?

Suicidal feelings can result when serotonin levels drop too low, or from any number of biochemical fluctuations. Look at the postpartum phase for moms and the days leading up to a woman’s menstrual cycle (you know I like to sarcastically reference my hormones during PMS, and I wish I was just joking). Women can feel completely different during those times due to shifts in female hormones. Fortunately, they don’t last but they can be extreme for some women (again, varying degrees as every person is different). Mid-life can bring changes in the body as well, as men and women experience declines in certain hormones that can trigger changes in mood and behavior. Men also experience a wide range of changes in biochemistry.

While imbalances can be rooted in the physical, to stop there would be an incredibly incomplete understanding of how our heart and brain misfire. Mental health disorders also stem from poor choices, bad habits, poor diet, lack of exercise, nutritional deficiencies, mineral imbalances, stressful events, loss of loved ones, divorce, you name it. Most important, but seldom considered, mental health imbalances can be driven by evil spirits—spirits of depression, anxiety, anger, even suicide.

There is a spirit of suicide in the spiritual realm that most are unaware of. Those who are afflicted by this spirit often fail to understand where this oppressive, out-of-body feeling comes from. Short answer: demons. Spirits that walk this earth. They carry all kinds of baggage that end up getting transferred to us, oftentimes in the form of physical and mental ailments.
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, powers, rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places (Eph 6:12). Most churches don’t believe in demons, let alone discuss them or think they have anything to do with what our flesh wrestles with in daily life. Sadly, this does a huge disservice to Christians at large.

I’d like you to consider that what you may be feeling isn’t from you. Maybe it isn’t just from faulty brain wiring, your parents, too little estrogen, too little dopamine, recreational drug use, a fall-out with your boss, or loss of a loved one (although these things can still be significant factors). Perhaps it’s from spirit that is trying to oppress you.

I have struggled with suicidal feelings roughly once a year (they last a few days or weeks at a time) for probably twenty five years. During a couple of years, they came more frequently, but thankfully they don’t come often. One year, I felt suicidal after my dad died. One year, I went through a few weeks of suicidal feelings when my adrenals were failing (and my body was producing too little cortisol). One year, I felt suicidal during the post-partum phase after I had my daughter (lots of hormones shifting there). One year, I actually attempted suicide during college (multiple stressors at play…grandfather died, boyfriend’s father tragically died, overextended at school and work, and had major problem with a college professor who blemished my transcript with a poor grade). I could go on, but you get the point. Thank Heaven that Jesus has helped me get my priorities straight since then. Today, I look back and laugh at the absurdity of things that stressed me out in this fleshy world as a twenty-year-old, like being worried about a “C” and consumed with getting into a prestigious law school (which I ended up not even attending because my dad got sick and I had to stay in state).

What has helped me most in managing this demon is remembering His Word (Psalm 100:3). That my life does not belong to me. It belongs to Him. And how valuable I am to Him. That I am created in His image, and my body is His temple. I don’t have the right to take my life away, no matter how hard life gets or how bad I might feel. Folks, I feel your pain. I have been there. I’ll probably be there again. But in the darkest of days, I will keep reminding myself that I belong to Him.

And, so do you. Keep fighting the good fight. Rebuke the devil and his spirit of suicide in Jesus’ name. Proclaim it out loud! Get your prayer warriors on board and meet with the leader of your church for spiritual guidance. The devil doesn’t want you alive, particularly if there is a high calling on your life, but Jesus will carry you through victoriously if you cling to Him.

If you are experiencing suicidal feelings, please contact a medical professional immediately and remember that God loves you with all of His heart. You will get through this. You are worthy, and He has a purpose for your life.

In honor of National Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month.