“Hop on the scale, Tara,” the nurse says to me at my annual OB/GYN physical. I can already feel my palms start to sweat and my heart beat faster. “I’ll pass, thanks. My weight hasn’t really changed since last year.” Meanwhile, I wonder why women still have to deal with this form of public embarrassment and internal shame. Unless we’re ill, pregnant, noticeably thinner, or noticeably bigger, it just isn’t necessary. The medical guidelines for weight and height don’t measure up, either. They don’t take into account the fact that fat, water, and muscle add up differently on the scale and play out differently on bodies. Two people, side-by-side, can weigh the same and look totally different. One woman can be normal weight, carry all of her “extra” around the middle, and have some inflammatory markers for poor health, while another may be overweight, carry hers on the lower half, and be in perfect health.
Meanwhile, I can’t tell the nurse (I don’t feel comfortable) the real (biblical) reason why I don’t want to weigh myself…lest I be tempted to sin. Seeing the number (even if it’s only a pound or two different from what I expect) could cause me to worry, obsesses, and spend too much time thinking about my body if I’m having a “hormonal” day. When we fixate on something to our detriment (and Jesus’), we cross into “idolatry” territory. Idolatry (as referenced in the Bible) can apply to ANYTHING we spend way more time focusing on than Jesus. Idolatry is at the root of all sin.
I’m not a vain person (I try not to be), but I realize that some of this may come across as such. If you’ve never struggled with body image and tend to feel secure in your skin, this will seem foreign. Give thanks for that. I’m not underweight or overweight. I’m on the high end of what is considered a normal weight for my height. But I have always beat up my body, even when I was super thin in my teens, twenties, and early thirties. Today, in my mid-forties, I look back at some of those pictures and wonder how I ever thought I looked fat (body dysmorphic disorder can be triggered by a chemical imbalance, but it’s also driven by the demonic spirit of distortion). Jesus delivered me from that particular disorder many years ago, and a year’s worth of eating disorders in high school (praise Him), but I’m still hard on my body. This subject is hard for me to write about because it is one of my weakest areas. The Lord has healed me from it considerably over the years (layer by layer, like an onion), but not completely.
I’ve done a lot of inner work and sought counseling over the years—secular and Christian. For me, issues are rooted in generational/bloodline curses, flawed ways of thinking that have been passed down, childhood trauma, and other spiritual bondage. When my deliverance ministers/counselors asked the Holy Spirit to show me from where my struggle originated (many years ago during a healing session), I saw a vision of my Pakistani father tearing my older half-sister’s sundress. He was angry because my mom (her stepmother) bought her a dress, and her limbs were exposed. Frightful and humiliated, my older sister ran upstairs crying. At 4 or 5 years of age, seeing that left a lasting impression on my heart.
I won’t get into the details of that deliverance session other than to say that the Pakistani cultural influence weighed heavily on how I viewed my body at all stages of life. Women who are taught (and told) to cover their bodies inevitably carry a lot of shame. My dad, like the rest of us, was a sinner with a temper when he was younger. While he did not follow Christ (he received salvation on his deathbed), Jesus was still doing a work in him. My dad had a lot of Christ-like character in his old age. He was a good father to me and demonstrative in his love and affection.
I’ve read several books by Christian authors on getting free from body image issues, and I really think that Heather Creekmore, author of “Compared to Who?,” just nails it (all of our body woes to the cross). If you struggle, I highly recommend her book (she offers regular podcasts, coaching, and support on her social media sites). I admire the bravery that it takes to write an entire book about a subject that is so sensitive to a woman’s soul. She candidly shares her own struggles and the carnal pressures that get piled onto a woman’s fragile sense of self. And there’s the rub. As we fixate over matters related to “self,” it’s often at the expense of Jesus. We go to our girlfriends and partners for feedback and validation instead of seeking out the counselor in Him.
Us: “I look fat. I’m not leaving the house looking like this.”
Jesus: “You are fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139: 13-14). “I created you in my image” (Gen 1:27). “Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your father in Heaven” (Matt 5:16).
Us: “I’d kill for her legs. I hate my thighs.”
Jesus: “Pay attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else” (Gal 6:4-5). “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice” (James 3:16).
Us: “Nothing fits. I’ll stop eating. I won’t buy a bigger size.”
Jesus: “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body; what you will wear. Is life not more important than food, and the body more important than clothes” (Matt 6:25-27)? “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you? You are not your own. You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body” (1 Cor 6:19-20).
Us: “What if others notice my flaws? The extra weight? The wrinkles around my eyes?
Jesus: “For I see not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but I look on your heart” (1 Sam 16:7).
Us: “I wish I didn’t look like this. If I could change _____, I’d feel much better.”
Jesus: “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles, wearing of gold jewelry, or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (1 Peter 3:3-4). “Gray hair is a crown of glory” (Prov 16:31).
Does this mean that we should just let ourselves go and not care about how we look at all? Nope. It simply means that if our priorities are not where they need to be, biblically speaking, we will suffer. I really love my nice wardrobe, but my joy and worth is in Him first, not my high-end designer handbags and gowns, some of which He has had me give away over the years. If the Holy Spirit softly whispers in my ear at a traffic light that I should give the shivering homeless woman the coat off my back, I’m going to honor Him (even if it cost me a pretty penny). The moment I start obsessing over what I wear, allow the “shop til I drop” mentality to rule my thoughts, and check my profile in too many mirrors over a 24-hr period, I get into trouble. I start to worry and fixate on too many carnal thoughts.
The Lord wants us to take care of our temples and look nice. It’s fun to get dolled up and celebrate fashion within reason. But if we are defined by staying fit, looking good, airbrushing to the max, and the labels we wear, we remain prisoners to the many flesh-filled traps of this world.
This season, focus on giving thanks for the Body. For yours. For others. For His.
