I once believed in the spiritual concept of soulmates and twin flames, that there are only one or two people for each person. I’m not so sure about that anymore, after getting to know Christ over the years and watching Him transform and sanctify relationships and marriages, including mine. When you dedicate and honor Him with all that you have, He blesses it beyond your wildest expectations. When you put your marriage (any relationship) on His altar and say, “Here’s my relationship, Father. Bless it and use it for your will,” we enable Him to work some serious blessings within those relationships.

I didn’t get married until I was 35, and that was only by the Lord’s provision. I never fancied the big wedding or white dress. I am a product of divorce and a nasty custody battle, so I grew up fearing commitment and unable to see marriage as a blessing. I was a serial dater well into my early thirties and enjoyed it, but there was always a piece of my heart that longed for the comfort and stability of meeting Mr. Right. I even made a bucket list comprised of twenty-five personality requirements that he had to have, like being ambitious, down-to-earth, and easy on the eyes.

I think God handpicks people with the hope of pairing them up, providing free will and circumstances don’t get in the way. But I also think that two people, regardless of how “wrong” they may seem for each other, but who give their relationship to Him, can overcome anything and have their relationship restored and revitalized. Christ wants to be in partnership with us. If we submit, He will use our union in a special way to bless us and others.

When my husband and I renewed our faith in Christ, the pruning process wasn’t easy. When you receive salvation, that’s a really great beginning. However, truly walking with Christ requires hard work (trials, testing, wilderness periods) before you bear good fruit and reap the rewards. Two people bring a lot of personal baggage into a marriage and, oftentimes, naively expect it all to harmonize or evaporate. Most times, those issues just magnify under the life stressors that affect relationships. Jesus had to clean house, so to speak, with my husband and I. Most of it involved sweeping away a lot of pride, offering tolerance, and practicing forgiveness. He’s delivered us from a lot.

There’s no such thing as a perfect person, let alone a perfect mate, but God can transform people and couples when they submit to His leadership. I’ve witnessed Him help couples overcome infidelity, addiction, abuse, deception, and dishonor. I’ve watched Him restore romance and respect into relationships that had grown cold and resentful. Christ has so much mercy and forgiveness for us, so the least we can do is learn how to offer that same mercy and forgiveness to our loved ones.

I believe that the concept of marriage that society holds so dear is incomplete. Sure, we should want physical attraction, butterflies, and sensuality. But when we prioritize those carnal pleasures over more meaningful reasons, we lose sight of the fact that God brings two people together for His purposes (which we don’t always know). Love is an action and choice, not simply a feeling. Partnership involves dying to self and putting the other person’s needs first. Marriage needs regular prayer to resist the wiles of the enemy, and an appreciation for all that our partners do to sustain us during trying times.

Having a fruitful marriage takes work. Like anything else, it needs maintenance. It needs time with God. I encourage you to allow Christ into your home so that He can do a work in you and your partner. It will be hard at times, but I promise that you’ll see results in His time. You’ll look back at prior years when the issues that bothered you to no end no longer faze you. You’ll stop worrying so much over everything. It will be second nature to cast all of your marital concerns on Him, because He cares for you.

Let Christ be your marriage counselor.